We're a little past midway on our crossing, for more than two weeks now we're on the water and sometimes in it.
The sun has set, I'm on watch. Today we saw our second cargo since leaving Robinson. Afar, on the horizon line like a small town, towers pointing to the sky, had I not known it wasn't possibly a town I wouldn't believe it was a ship. The sight rose strange and mixed feelings. What was he doing there? And if he is there who else might be on our way? Our watches have become very slack, counting on other senses, our feelings instead of just our eyesight. We stay outside and believe our ears will do the job, our sense of some foreign energy entering our realms, but what if it doesn't?
Days pass by quite rapidly even though nothing really happens, we swim when the wind isn't present, always a little worried about being eaten by some ocean monster. Sometimes we watch a movie. We try to do a little bit of physical exercises but today for example a squall came in with rain and before we knew about it the sun had set and we missed our sports hour. Of course I could do them in the dark, but the little mattress is wet now and so very uncomfortable, I'll do two sessions tomorrow, maybe.
I have no hallucinations like during the Atlantic crossing, no fears of being so small in this vastness. My constant worry seems to be about greens. Every single night I manage to dream about vegetables, more specifically about vegetable shops, always very different dreams but every time a veggie shop appears, sometimes slightly hidden in the context other times right there, vegetable shop as main character. Last night it was a whole vegetable shop town but I forgot to buy some... It all turned into extreme suspense, was I or was I not going to find the long lasting carrots? I woke up before finding the once I looked for. It is no real wonder I dream like that though, I remember very clearly that whenever my mommy asked me what I wanted to eat she always got the same answer. 'Des legumes, des legumes, des legumes' I would say, no mater what was around them, all what mattered was greens, veggies, vegetables! And here I am in the most veggie unfriendly environment, I see my last tomatoes growing grey hair, my cabbage smelling fowl, my carrots are getting limp, my lemons are shrinking dangerously if not turning into green powder, my apples get slippery and my pears wrinkle up. And we are just halfway, and will you believe me if I said there might be no veggies on the island where we go? I can't believe it either but we'll see, in the meantime, I buy, collect, salivate in my dreams. And why not?
Then I read, a lot, big complicating books, small light crap, funny French stuff, Indian prose smelling of curries, British traveling adventures making the hair stand up on my back, the girl writing the book continuously putting herself into lifetreatening situations and then escaping them without her even realizing the danger she was in. I go from one style to its opposite in no time, devouring the words that will bring me to land.
We do all this and not much more. Relentlessly Mardek advances. Hakan and I, sometimes unaware of our progression, live quietly, nervously, patiently, sadly impatiently and happily on her board. Softly moving from one feeling to another. Giving very little importance to these feelings. Imperceptibly we close in to our destination.