Hakan Öge
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Tahiti

We're on Vamos, Vamos, my sisters boat, Vamos, where my life tripped into another world.

I'm on a deserted island as well, the water is so clear, palm trees are everywhere to be seen, under water, another world still awaits my eyes, my senses, to feed my imagination.

We're on holyday, resting our souls. Our tired souls, our confused souls. A 5 star hotel for our senses. we walk to bed for the ceiling is high, for there are meters and stairs going from the kitchen to the bedroom, we roll around in that bed for it is big, square, of royal comfort. On a deserted island, my family around me, it feels good. We talk about the past about the future, about now. We go right into the deep depth of things, and scrutinize. The light, the air is beautiful, the atmosphere is warm and we feel at home, better than a 5 star hotel. We rest our soul.

We're having a hard time with our soul, something broke on the pacific passage and we have yet found the way to heal ourselves. What and why are we doing this for... Daniel and Catherine have warm and wide arms, Hakan and I curl into them, we absorb their comfort and wisdom, we look for a way, we look for our lost peace, for our misplaced drive. We rummage in depth and we stroll on the light surface, we jump in the big blue. We find doors and openings, are reminded of treasures we hold within. Slowly we are finding our bearings again in family warmth, the fog is dissipating, many routes again appear in front of us. We just have to keep on walking.

I go for a dive with Catherine and Daniel, we enter this fantastic underwater world by a fascinating descent in the big blue. Around us the other divers seem like elves, their air bubbles like gateways to peace. We go down and down and down. The water is so clear, the blue is so dense. My breath is hypnotizing me. Nothing else exists, my breath and my surrounding. I am here, here and nowhere else, here and now. Sharks hover about but I feel no threat at all, big silver tunas pass by as well, looking very static, big but not very pretty. Live coral is covering the floor, so colorful. We enter the current, we fly above this rich carpet. A myriad of fish surround us, they're in the same current, every shape, every color, every pattern leaves me in awe. Everything is so calm, everything is so beautiful. We drift over hills, above gardens. A brown fish with blue dots and blue lipstick comes very close and looks me in the eye,' what kind of fish are you? I exhale white bubbles and smile. 'I'm a lost fish. My whole being smiles and the fish goes on. Side by side we drift. I'm hovering in an haute couture dream. Parrot and angel fish, zebra pups and bright yellow snakelike creatures, half mouth half body. Couples of round fish dance next to me, mister is black miss is white. Whole packs of fish form a cloud in the distance, they form an entity, close together they become as big as a whale, we get closer and I see this huge being is formed by different species, amid the many grey fish a few red ones with a different shape linger, and striped ones as well. Big and smaller ones, they stick together, become one, one strong unappetizing thing. We come very close by and the creature stays impassible, confident of its obvious invincibility.

We emerge in a trance and I stay on that cloud for the rest of the day. Then I decide to clean Vamos' hulls, a lot of algae is growing on it. I brush it of, Daniel and Hakan scrub the black stain it leaves behind. Soon a school of silver fish with a Pinocchio nose comes to feed on what we detach from Vamos. I get back on board after a long while, I drink a cold coca cola when I hear Hakan asking the underwater camera with great urgency. A ray, a manta ray is flying right there. I pass the camera and jump back in the water. It is right under us, flying in loopings, over and over again. It is huge, around 3 meters wide and it flies. It tumbles around in a very slow and harmonious movement. It comes very close to me and when it faces me my breath is pulled out of my lungs. It has got an enormous hole for a mouth, my whole body could fit in it, I could swim in that mouth and it is facing me for a second, not noticing me, looping around. I never even heard of such a creature, that big mouth doesn't even look like a mouth, I'm not even sure it really is a mouth, looks like a clean old radiator. Its belly is white, it's back black and grey with patterns. I can't figure out where the eyes are, it is a strange creature, it feeds on plankton I suppose, filtering the sea through this huge gap. After our lunch more rays appear, I swim with them, follow them. There are 3 now, huge beings out of a cartoon world, I switch from fascination to fright on its every turn and I love it, I understand again why it is I am here, at the other side of the planet, receiving all these gifts of nature, love and warmth. For a while all this suffering, these unanswered questions, these never-ending sail days seem worthwhile, for such a thrilling spectacle, for such strong emotions for such an incomparable discovery of the world, the world out there and the one within.

28.06.2006

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